As he bangs on my door, trying to break in, I hear a little voice say, is your dad going to kill us?

And at the moment, I paused and went……that could, that might happen. I need to do something different. There's no way I can allow my son and his friend to be in this situation ever again.

It's more than just...me. It's more than what I need. My son needs me to step up. I feel silly, dramatic, the threat of the situation not yet registering in my body,  I called 911, eventually after minutes that lasted hours my husband was taken away. On the way out an amazing woman officer said, have you ever considered getting a restraining order?

And I hadn't. Like, I hadn't thought I had the power to be able to do anything different in my situation, to be able to take charge of what I was experiencing. By then I had been numb for so long.

Because even at an early age, I was groomed in a wealthy family. What fork was to be used? How to be quiet?

How to be seen but not heard? And my feelings were not part of the conversation. Time and time again I was taught to perform despite what my body was telling me. My body always seemed to go against what was socially acceptable. So as I sat there that day and I got that question from that officer and I thought, yes, I can.

I can do something. And I removed us from that environment. I had nothing on me and nowhere to go and that’s when we entered the shelter, and I had never considered putting myself there until that voice came, that little tiny child voice, and I had to protect.

And now, I see it, how strong people are when they try to show up and they feel like they're failing because they've been told one way all their life and they don't see a way out.

Trust me, there's ALWAYS a way out and it's by finding yourself, reclaiming your own voice, finding out what it is YOU actually want and living that life with no regrets. You need to stop living by what other people are telling you and quite possibly you’ve been groomed your entire life.

And that's what I do every day, and I have to remind myself that this is my power, this is my life, and I can create whatever I want. I am and always will be the captain of my ship.